A Piece of Advice
How do I know if he or she is "the one" for me?
The question of who you’ll want to share your life with is likely one of the most profound, consequential questions you’ll ask yourself. For that reason, the solution to this question is specific to you and only you can answer it, and I believe that one of the most beneficial things you can do is explore related questions that may help you work through and clarify the matter, and ultimately arrive at what feels right for you.
Here are a few potential questions to reflect on in your own time that might help you reach a decision:
- Overall, how well do you get along with your partner? Does it feel like there’s usually far more pleasantness than unfriendliness exchanged between you both, or does it feel like more like a struggle to hit it off? Relationship research shows this is a significant element in the wellness of a relationship.
- Assuming you don’t change anything about your partner, can you accept them as they are right now?
- Imagine you and your partner together forever, with the relationship always being exactly the way it is now. How does that idea feel?
- Why are you with your partner, and why are you remaining in the relationship? Is there a reason (or reasons) why you wouldn’t leave?
- What do you appreciate about your relationship dynamic? What is difficult about your relationship dynamic? All things considered, how does what you enjoy about your relationship compare with what is hard or burdensome?
- Are the challenges facing your relationship coming from within (e.g., unkind treatment between partners), or are they more external (e.g., prejudice and discrimination)?
- When you think about the impact your partner has on your quality of life, do they make your life better? Are you better off with them in your life?
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